Connecting with Your True Self
 by Sandra Michaelson

Many of us do not recognize the existence of a Self within us. We may believe intellectually that we have a soul or spirit because that is what we have been taught to believe. What we identify with is our personality, a false self, and the self-image we project that protects the false self.

Because of our past conditioning and upbringing, a separation was created from our True Self. We are not able to recognize this separation because we have become identified with the feelings, beliefs, and personality attributes of our parents and because we have been heavily influenced by cultural values, religious dogma, and peer group pressure. In the process of learning to feel and identify with our True Self, we first recognize that whatever disharmony or conflict we experience with others or the outer world is a reflection of the disharmony and conflict we experience in our relationship with ourselves. Whatever irritates us about our partner, children, friends, or parents is what is irritating us about ourselves.

An important step in reuniting with our True Self consists of experiencing this separation with our True Self and understanding on a feeling level that our wholeness and health depends on coming home to this part of ourselves. The process of communicating and dialoguing with our True Self is an ideal way to begin this journey .

Communication with our True Self happens on a feeling level. It is at this level, rather than on an intellectual level, that we can best cultivate the self-awareness that leads to our truth. How much time do we spend listening to ourselves and understanding our feelings? Do we know at a given moment what we are feeling? Or are we just unconsciously reacting?

In this technique, we engage in a dialogue in which we speak for our True Self, as well as for our false self, back and forth in an open exchange between these two aspects. Ask yourself the following questions, experiencing whatever feelings emerge, whether sadness, despair, longing, compassion, anger, or love. Remember your True Self is posing the question to you. You may also wish to write down your dialogue or continue to ask yourself the question and give your response throughout your day.

How are you feeling right now, Jane (your name)?

Jane, how do you feel about me?

Why don't you want to know me?

Why are you afraid of me?

Why do you want to hurt yourself?

Why don't you believe in me?

Why don't you value me?

Why do you feel not deserving?

Why don't you love me?

Why don't you take care of me?

For example,

True Self: Why don't you love me, Jane?

Jane: Because you're worthless. I'm disgusted by you.

True Self: Why?

Jane: You can't do anything right. You fail at everything you do.

True Self: What have you failed at and why do you believe you failed?

At some point in such a dialogue, try to hear and feel your True Self say: "Whatever happens, remember I am here for you. I support you, I protect you, and I love you. I accept you as you are."

The feeling of connection deepens if you continue to dialogue. The deeper you can feel this connection, and in the process become increasingly aware of the disconnection that has existed, the more you can extricate yourself from your self-hatred and other conflicts. In feeling what you have been doing to yourself, you can connect more deeply with yourself, understand yourself, and consequently pave the way toward forgiveness, compassion, and self-acceptance.

Most of us felt our parents were not sufficiently sensitive to us and did not fully appreciate our unique being. Consequently, we are not sensitive to and appreciative of ourself. In dialoguing in the above fashion, we can become our own wise parent to ourself. We can transform the impoverished relationship within ourself by having our True Self speak to us in a nurturing and supportive manner.

The more we dialogue, the more we experience sensitivity for ourself and compassion for the pain and hurt we have experienced. Increasingly, we understand that our misconceptions, inappropriateness, and passivity were predictable outcomes based on our limited understanding at that time. In other words, it wasn't our fault. Self-forgiveness develops as we understand that our past reactions were the only option we had, based on our conditioning and awareness. Similarly, forgiveness of others results when we understand how their conditioning and lack of awareness has locked them in a limited behavioral and emotional range. As we embrace ourselves in this new way, we integrate fully the rejected parts of ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally.

Acknowledging our resistance to letting go of old patterns, self-negating attitudes, doubts and fears through the process of inner dialoguing takes us to a whole new way of relating to ourselves. The following is a list of qualities and characteristics that are brought forth as we reclaim our True Self.

(1) We engage life and our relationships with others with joy, humor and an attitude of compassionate detachment.

(2) We adopt a non-judgmental, curious exploration of ourselves, our feelings, thoughts, motives, and behaviors, without fear or shame for acknowledging our deepest quirks, flaws, and truths. We accept ourselves completely with compassion and humor, with the understanding that failure or "badness" do not exist, only lessons, learning, and insights.

(3) We move beyond personal, parental, social, and planetary boundaries, beliefs, norms, roles, rules, approval, group identifications, gender identifications, and self-image, into the full expression of our true self, without fear or shame, with an attitude of confidence, contentment, honor, and reverence for who we are.

(4) We reach out without fear or shame to express our love, compassion, and joy outwardly, sharing of ourselves spontaneously from our hearts, letting others see and experience the true beauty of who we are.

(5) We realize our ability to create and manifest into form our own original ideas, heart feelings, aspirations, and visions.

(6) We express compassionate detachment in our interactions with others, allowing others to work through their own problems and take responsibility for their emotional issues, while exuding a loving concern for their predicament with no investment in the outcome.

(7) We express and manifest the principle of co-creative cooperation in all aspects of our lives, inner as well as outer; working together with ourselves and with others, contributing equally, participating equally, in our own personal as well as planetary evolvement.

(8) We rest in the security, belief, trust, and confidence in ourselves; trusting explicitly in a positive and beneficial future, as opposed to emotional dependence on external sources of imagined security and reliance on outside authorities.

(9) We are open to and curious about the nature of other realities; asking questions and seeking answers with a child-like attitude; accepting knowledge and insight into our True Self and its origins with a loving heart and eager mind; having reverence for all life; regarding other life as equal to our own, including animal and plant life forms; seeing equality in our oneness with God and all of creation.

(10) We are willing to explore and manifest our powers and abilities, our limitlessness, our love and compassion, our ability to create and manifest, our intellectual abilities and knowledge, and our bliss and joy in service of others. We pursue our aspirations, visions, and life's purpose, and aligning ourselves with the guidance of our True Self, freely acknowledge the need for assistance and guidance, while co-creatively fulfilling our mission for this life.